This morning was all kinds of rough for our 2, almost 3, year old son. Sunday mornings are usually daddy/son time. He loves to go up to the church with Jake, help him "prepare for church" and enjoy some alone time with his dad. When I say "prepare for church," what I mean is that he loves to eat donut holes (a special Sunday morning treat) while running around the room as Jake prepares for the day.
This morning was no different. It started with me telling him that today was Sunday, which meant if he would get dressed, brush teeth, and comb hair quickly, he could go with Daddy to church and eat donut holes. That was all fine and dandy, except he wanted all the benefits of the Sunday morning time with Dad without meeting any of the requirements. He refused to get dressed, refused to brush teeth, and even ran into the living room where our 4 year old foster daughter was and screamed at her that "SHE DOES NOT GET ANY DONUT HOLES." After a long battle with Dad over sitting in timeout, a few spankings, and many many tears and screaming later, we laid down the ultimate punishment.....no donut holes for Landry this morning, and if he keeps up the behavior, no going to church with daddy either. This set him off. The raging fit, screaming, yelling, and tantrum ensued. After a good 10-15 minutes, he did get to go to church, but was still without donut holes.
Reflecting back on things, we probably didn't handle the situation the greatest. There is just something about demanding immediate repentance from a child that seems so insincere. "Tell her you're sorry!" "NO!" "You better apologize to your sister right now, or..." "NO!" When you finally get the apologies you demand, it doesn't really feel that great, and it certainly doesn't seem to change the toddler's behavior in the future.
When we are refereeing a toddler initiated argument, we are always so quick to want that child to immediately repent. Today, after getting a chance to reflect on the morning and the demands for repentance on our son, I just prayed that God would forgive my desire for an immediately repentant child and instead give me a child that is sincerely repentant. Although in the moment, I think I would really like a child to apologize, change their ways, and always remember that moment before acting out again....but let's be really honest..... that almost never happens?
Here is what this morning's "repentance" looked like for our son:
Dad: "Can you apologize for screaming at L?"
Landry: "Sorry!" "Daddy, I want get donut holes!"
Dad: "no donut holes. Let's go"
Landry: <screaming and crying> (clearly out of repentance right? lol)
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Here is what happened this evening right before bed after an entire day of apparently thinking about those darn donut holes
Landry: "I yelled at daddy yesterday (he meant this morning)"
Me: You did? Why did you do that?
Landry: "He not listen to me. It's my fault. Daddy put me in timeout for yelling."
Me: Do you think you deserved to go to timeout for yelling?
Landry: "Yeah, I so sorry mommy"
Me: It's okay buddy.
Landry: "I not get donut holes. I try again tomorrow, okay mommmy?"
I'm not entirely sure what stirred that up in his toddler sized heart, but I'm so thankful that God heard my plea for a sincerely repentant child. The second scenario was so much more beautiful and, well, sincere. I think I am going to start praying more intensely for more moments like that, and be ok with letting go of the insincere apology cycle. Don't get me wrong, obviously I believe that making him apologize is important and necessary....I just think rather than going in circles around immediate apologies, I will start handing the situations over to God and allowing him to convict my little toddler's heart.
