My Journey into Stay-at-Home Mommyhood

3 years ago, I began the adventure of lifetime. Mr. Landry Tate entered the world and made me a mommy.... Not only did he make me a mommy, but he made me a stay-at-home mommy.  Now, before I begin this blog, let me preface it by saying that anyone who knew me in late high school/first few years of college probably heard me declare sometime or another that I never wanted children.  I'm not a mom that believes that there is only 1 way to do motherhood...Quite the contrary, I love watching moms do their mom thing in so many different ways, and have learned so much from every type of mom!  I'm simply a mom in awe of how the Lord has honored and blessed a decision that was such a leap of faith for me and my husband 3 years ago.  I desire to share my experience to encourage anyone out there that doubts God is bigger than financial obstacles.

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was barely into a new school year teaching high school math for my 3rd year. And everyday I went to work, which I loved, my heart began falling to pieces at the thought of doing the next school year with a baby at home.  Ultimately, I sat my husband down around Christmastime and had a heart to heart about what I was feeling.  I honestly had no clue that God was leading me to lay down my career and stay home, I just knew that the thought of leaving our baby in the care of others really didn't settle well with me.  Before I could even get my thoughts out, my sweet husband asked me if we wanted to look at our finances and see if me staying at home with our son was a viable option.  So we did just that.  And we were initially disheartened, not really believing that we could pull off living on one income, but we agreed the only way to find out is to "practice."

We began trying to live off his income alone, and began putting away as much of my income as possible every month....Some months we did great! Other months we blew it (remember, new baby on the way! baby "stuff" was just too enticing some months).  I strategically calculated our savings and realized that we needed $400 a month extra every month to make it. We budgeted, planned, and figured out that using $400 of our savings every month would put me at needing to return to work after 2 years home with Landry. We weren't planning on having another child until Landry was at least 5 (ha!), so I thought that I would have a few years working to save up and do the same for a second child when they come along.  I was okay with that decision, and began praying ahead of time that I would be grateful for any amount of time at home I got with my baby. (Notice: all the WE's and I's in this planning...yep. I think this is the part of the story that God kind of chuckles at).

We didn't live extravagantly before (teacher and preacher....not exactly millionaire material), but we had enough money and no kids to do whatever we wanted.  There were many days that Jake would pick me up after school, we would drive to San Antonio, go out to eat and go shopping. I rarely cooked the first year of our marriage for 2 reason. 1. I was pregnant and was either too exhausted or too nauseated to get in there and deal with smells. 2. I didn't know how. We ate out a LOT. I am just amazed looking back now at just how much money we "blew." But I'm even more amazed at God's faithfulness to my decision to stay home, and just how much he has blessed us. 

Those first few months of 1 income living was tough.  We went from the mentality of always having enough money to do whatever we wanted to carefully budgeting and calculating money, it just took us a while to get used to it.  There were days when I took Jake to work in my car because we couldn't afford the tank of gas for his car until the next paycheck.  I learned to cook,  I did things like make our own laundry soap, we did everything we could to save money and cut corners! We made sacrifices, like selling our first wonderful home.  We just didn't like how much it was costing us every month, so we moved into a cheaper smaller rental.  "Vacation" consisted of going to visit our families, wonderful, but not exactly Hawaii or NYC.  

I have now been staying at home for 3 years (remember how I calculated I only had enough money for 2 years?), we have since added a daughter to the mix (she just turned 1) plus several foster kiddos....Here is the real kicker..... We have just as much money in our savings account as we did when I began staying at home 3 years ago....We bought a car, another house in Lubbock, updates for our house.  It literally and mathematically does not add up. Somehow, someway, God truly provided.  And he didn't even need my plans or strategies or careful calculations.

Why am I writing all this? Certainly not to brag, because the mom life is all but glamorous. I'm really just in awe of God's goodness to honor a desire I had in my heart.  I want to encourage anyone that has a desire from the Lord (not just in regard to raising babies at home) but fears the financial setback to put it in God's hands. Am I saying to willy-nilly jump into a crazy new decision without carefully planning and ask God to bless a reckless decision? No, I think part of the planning/praying process was building up my faith.  But human planning can only take you so far.....Let him blow you away with his faithfulness to provide and meet your every need (read: NEED...not want..big difference).

I am grateful now for the 3 awesome jammed packed years with my kiddos, and will be grateful for any more amount of time HE plans to give me.  Be encouraged friends, that God sees you and He sees the deepest desires down in the depth of your soul. He can do anything, he can provide all things, and we can give him all the Glory for it!

"Is it hard to let them go?"

This question is probably the single most asked question when people learn that we foster.  The answer is....YES....and NO. 

The obvious dilemma when you bring anyone into your home for a significant portion of time is that of course you will miss things about their sweet little faces, personalities, and character qualities.  The way they fill your home with noises, laughter, even the crying and fighting with others. You will miss them dearly, but let me also explain my excitement in the end of their journey with us..

Right now we have 2 little girls God has brought us.  There is chance that both girls might be leaving soon (BIG emphasis on the word might, lol, with CPS, you never know!) While it is weird to think that their time in our family is coming to a close, let me explain their futures and you can see why we are filled with more excitement than grief!

Our first little girl came to us in pretty rough shape 4 months ago. At first, we were told that her dad was MIA. As it turned out, he has been here the whole time, kept from seeing his daughter.  He has done nothing wrong, was just not contacted fast enough! He is eager to get his daughter, loves her, and has put in the work to prove he can provide for her. We are grateful that God gave her to us and we have been able to stand in the gap and help her along the way. She is literally a different kiddo than we first got.  How nice to be able to send her off to a biological dad so much more independent, happy, and healthy! Win all the way around...While we will miss her terribly, and are not really sure of a timeline of when she might go, we are so excited for her dad to begin parenting her fully and assume responsibility for his daughter's life! 

Our other precious girl came to us 5 months ago and we learned that her final goal was adoption. Her mom named a distant relative in another state she wanted her to go live with... Nearing the final process of this home study, our apprehension turned into excitement as this family went to all the trouble to fly the thousands of miles to come visit her for a few days, spend time with her, and get to know her. We found out that before she was ever born, this little girls mom wanted to put her up for adoption, and changed her mind in the end.  This sweet family hired a lawyer and pursued adopting her while she was still in her moms womb! Imagine the heartbreak of this family missing out adopting a sweet baby girl, trying to keep tabs on her, lookout from her from afar, only to find out she was in foster care in another state. This process of adopting the one they have always wanted has been 5 years in the making!!!! This sweet lady said "We have learned that it is not our timing but God's timing"for her to become part of their family. What a testimony this little girl and her future family will have! I can hardly wait! And to know that God ordained us to stand in the gap for her to bridge her rocky past life with a redemptive beautiful future is almost more than I can stand! Can you see where the excitement comes from? 

So, YES, it is hard to send these kiddos off and watch them leave our home... NO, it is not hard because we know that God goes before them, he sees them, and he loves them more than any family, non-family, adoptive family, foster family could ever love them. He has a plan and a purpose for their little lives. It's all about trust and faith. Trusting a Savior big enough to lead them and having faith that you did what you could while you could.